LIVING WITH MCL

No doubt a number of people will disagree with me here, but I don't care. After having watched the entire Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah Winfrey, I don't care that he doped, and I don't care that he perpetrated that lie for so long. What I am, is disappointed. As a fellow cancer survivor, I find it difficult to believe, having gone through what he did in fighting testicular cancer, that anyone, let alone Lance Armstrong, would ever do something as stupid as dope. I never would have. At least I don't think I would, but having never been in the position of an elite athlete, I can only assume I would have been smarter than that. But as a cyclist, I'm also a little biased, and despite the doping, I can't help but marvel at what he was able to accomplish. 7 Tour d'France wins! I know how grueling the sport of cycling can be at times, even at my level, and I know how cruel life can be as well, so I can relate to some extent. Maybe even be a little sympatheti...

If you ask two metallurgists the same question, you're very likely to get two different answers. I know that because I am [was] a metallurgist. I know that also, because metallurgy, like medicine is not an exact science. So you'd think I would have been better prepared for the response I got from the cardiac surgeon when I met with him today. First off he couldn't believe I'm still walking around, and even able to exercise. Normally he said, he would have admitted me immediately to perform bypass surgery, but there's the problem again with my lymphoma. It's not that he thinks I'm going to die from my lymphoma, and not worth the effort, but he is concerned about what effect my high lymphocyte count may have on the success of the surgery. So before he would proceed, he needs to consult with the hematologists in LA. He even went as far as suggesting I be admitted tonight, so the hematologist could evaluate me first thing in the morning, and also to keep an eye ...

There used to be a time when I enjoyed going on vacation, but now not so much. I don't know if it's simply because of all the little things I hate about traveling, i.e. packing and unpacking, checking into and out of hotels, airport hassles etc. or simply the fact I don't need to travel anywhere. I already live in an area which has everything most people dream of in a vacation. I sure don't need to drive very far, or fly to all corners of the world, to get away (my justification for our latest trip to Solvang/Santa Inez). I can go to Disneyland for that, and still sleep in my own bed at the end of the day. Sure it's enlightening to experience new places, but I've seen most of the US, and I've been to France, Italy and England. I lived in Okinawa for 18 months, and vacationed in the Philippines, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Fiji (twice), Tahiti, Hawaii, and the Caribbean. I've even been to New Zealand. I don't need any more enlightening. Plus, I'm not into ...

I awoke this morning to a bright flash of light. At first I thought I was imagining it, or maybe I tore a retina, but then I heard a long rumble which I determined to be thunder. I was relieved to say the least, but also a little surprised. I wasn't expecting any rain. I can't even remember the last time it rained here, it's been that long. At least now I have an excuse for not going on a bike ride today. Monday is usually a day off, but since today is a holiday, I was considering it. I'll just go with my normal routine, and go to the gym instead. The only problem is, it's going to be difficult getting my allotment of vitamin D today. While the threat of rain is supposed to dissipate by early morning, the forecast is for partly cloudy conditions throughout the day, which could make it a little more problematic receiving enough UVB rays necessary for Vitamin D production. Oh well, such is life. Everyday can't be perfect, and yesterday was a beautiful day. Hopeful...

Sometimes I amaze myself at the things I am able to accomplish when I want [need] to, but that pales in comparison to what Cadel Evans was able to do in this years Tour de France. Twice I thought the Tour had slipped out of his reach, but twice Evans managed to crawl his way back. The first time was on stage 18, when Andy Schleck attacked 60 km from the finish, and built up a 4 minute lead over Evans. Undaunted, after exhausting his entire team, and without the help of any of the other teams, Evans still managed to fight his way back, and cut the lead to just 2 minutes and 15 seconds, keeping himself within a reachable 1:12 (57 seconds from Andy Schleck) out of the Yellow Jersey. Then, on Stage 19, Alberto Contador attacked only 16 km into the stage. Evans was able to go with him (along with Andy Schleck and Thomas Voekler) initially, but within a very short time encountered bike problems, and was forced to change bikes, putting him behind Contador and Schleck by over a minute and a ha...

Well, if you're like me, you watched the 60 Minutes interview with Tyler Hamilton Sunday night, and like me, you're probably even more confused now than ever. Did he, or didn't he? That is the question. Tyler's accusations of doping are certainly compelling, but just because he admitted to doping, doesn't mean Lance did as well. Nor should we automatically accept what Tyler is saying as fact. After all, remember what I said before , everyone has an agenda. Plus Tyler is receiving limited immunity for his testimony. As for me, I choose to believe Lance. Not only because I find it difficult to believe anyone who has survived cancer would take illicit drugs, but because with all the scrutiny he has endured, there has never been any evidence of a failed test. But whether the accusations are true or not, what bothers me more than anything is our governments collosal waste of time and resources investigating these accusations. With all the problems facing this country, wh...

Well, here it is a little after 6 AM Sunday morning, and I've decided not to ride. Seems I'm having an issue, only a cyclist would know about. It's not serious, but I've decided to rest anyways. Besides I have to get mentally prepared for the Jets-Steelers game this afternoon! So I was going through my Facebook page, and I came across this photo, that a buddy posted, of the first group picture of Lightning Velo, the bike club we started back in 1987/88. That's me top row, far left. WOW! We looked so young back then. :) What's amazing is, I actually remember all the names, and most of them are still around. They're just not all in the club any more (including myself), but I do still run into a few on the road occasionally. Those kind of things sure bring back some good [and old] memories. Wouldn't it be nice if we could bring back those care free days, when life seemed so much simpler?

Well, it may not have been the hardest thing I've every done, but today's annual New Years day ride certainly proved worthy of note. I made it out of the parking lot, and another 6 or so miles down the road just fine, but shortly after that, things became a little daunting as the pace picked up, and not being well positioned in the pack, I was quickly dropped. I managed to pick up a few other stragglers along the way, and eventually made it to Corona Del Mar where I met up with some other buddies for the long slug home. It seems the eight days of rain, and bitterly cold temperatures during the month of December may have finally taken its toll. (I barely managed 400 miles this month, and a lot of those miles were junk miles.) I seem to have lost all semblance of fitness. I guess I could blame it on learning yesterday a fraternity brother died suddenly on November 22nd (he was the same age as me) for feeling so lousy today. I could also attribute it to the cold and all the extra ...

I'm tired! I'm really tired. And these past 8 days of essentially non stop rain certainly didn't help any. Even today, when I thought I would be able to get out on a real bike once again, I looked out side, and discovered the roads are still soaking wet. So here I am stuck in the house once again. But mostly I'm tired of dealing with my MCL. I'm tired of the endless blood tests, and visits to the oncologist. I'm tired of people asking me how I feel, and then lying to them. I'm tired of putting on a happy face, and going about my life as if nothing is wrong. You'd think (at least I would) after [nearly] 9 years, my body would have figured out there's something wrong, and do something about it. You'd think after [nearly] 9 years my body would have built up some defenses to my MCL, and maybe even mount an offense for a change. But why would I think that? Heck, the best minds in the US can't seem to come together and figure out how to get c...

I never have liked this time of year. The days are shorter, the weather colder, and it rains a lot. And this year is certainly no different. In fact, it may even be worse than most. November started off with February like temperatures, and when the weather did finally return to more seasonal temperatures the rain started. And as of last Wednesday it has been relentless. I did manage to ride through the rain drops last Wednesday, but since that time the rain has prevented me from getting out on the road. (It even seems to be effecting internet access.) I did a spin class on Saturday, with some other club members, which was OK. There was even another one scheduled for this morning, but it was at 6 AM, and that is WAY TOO early. (It seems some people still have to work for a living.) So today I'll probably end up going to the gym, and riding the life cycle or Expresso machine. I might even end up doing the spin class at the gym, but....... Any more I just don't know about anythin...

Well as it turns out, I got the new bike after all . It seems the owner(s) finally resolved enough of their legal issues to at least sell off their remaining inventory of show bikes, and I was fortunate enough to be offered one. I even got a better deal than originally expected, as this bike included handle bars, stem and saddle (which the original deal did not), saving me an additional $200+. I did have to buy two water bottle cages, a new seat bag (for spare tube, CO2 cartridges and a tire iron), and a new mount for my Garmin GPS, but those were cheap in comparison. And on top of that I should be able to get at least $500 for the race wheels that came with the bike, bringing my net cost down to under $2,500. I did buy a set of training wheels for about $200 as a replacement. The only issues being, the bike is sold as is, i.e. no warranty or liability protection, but hey, what fun is life, if you can't live it on the edge. :) Plus the color scheme wasn't my first choice, but I...

After feeling so terrible during Thursday's bike ride , I took Friday off, hoping to rejuvenate my body. Instead I went to Surf City Cyclery to buy a new set of tights and gloves, in an attempt to lighten up the load just a little, in anticipation of this mornings ride. I knew it was going to be cold this morning, but I was not expecting it to be below 40°F, my self imposed cut off point for going on a bike ride (there isn't enough clothing to keep you warm below that temperature), so when I woke up this morning to see 37°F on the wall thermometer, I was in total dismay. (And it's not even sunrise yet, so it will get even colder.) I know it's a lot colder in other parts of the country (so I shouldn't complain too much), but this is southern California, and this is only November. We don't normally see these kind of temperatures until February, in the height of winter. As if life isn't depressing enough for me, why does the weather have to spoil one of the [ve...

2 pounds is the amount of added clothing I've needed the last couple of days due to temperatures being in the low 40's when I go for my bike ride in the morning. At least I hope that's the reason I've been struggling on the bike so much this past week. And today's ride was just the pits. Not only was I the last one up the hill, but my time up the hill was the slowest in, I can't remember how long. Then on the way back, I couldn't even keep up with the group, and ended up riding most of the way home alone. I'm sure the 11.1 g/dL hemoglobin didn't help either, but that hasn't seemed to have had much of an effect lately. Up until this week, I actually thought I had been riding pretty good, so I have to attribute it to the weather. Still I was demoralized, and I sure hope this isn't a preview of what's in store for us this winter. We didn't have much of a summer this year, and I'd hate to think we're not going to have a fall eithe...

I just discovered yesterday, the new bike I was expecting to get next month ( yes, the one I originally decided not to get, but then changed my mind because it was too good a deal to pass up ), and which I already forked over $2,750 for, is no more. The explanation is the financing for the new business fell through, and the partners in the business have parted ways. Tony, the principal promoter of the company and an ex-professional cyclist, claims all the money will be refunded by December 15th, and he is working on resurrecting the business in the near future. I hope it works out for him, but I'm not going to hold my breath.  I'll just be happy if I get my $2,750 back. But in the mean time, not only am I out a new bike, I just sold my spare bike, and now don't have a back up for emergencies, and replacing it is going to cost a lot more than $2,750. Plus I spent another $200 on a new set of wheels to replace the race wheels (which I was hoping to sell) the new bike was comi...

Just got back from my visit with the oncologist, and my platelets are back to normal (198 thou/cumm), which is a wee bit better then the 112 thou/cumm reported on my last test . (It looks like my instincts were correct. It was obviously a bad test.) Even my ferritin and Vitamin D levels were within the normal range. Not only that, but the sun is actually shining right now, which is something we haven't seen a lot of over the past week, but hopefully will be seeing a little bit more of in the coming days. It's still so hard for me to fathom my good fortune to have exceeded 8½ years since my diagnosis of MCL, without requiring any treatment. I'm not sure if there are any others in the world like myself, but I doubt there are many. It could just be I was diagnosed so early, that if there are any others, it's more likely they just haven't even been diagnosed yet. However, I choose to believe it's the cycling, green tea and red [and white] wine that has managed to ke...

Well I got my dose of NE Ohio and Pittsburgh this past week, and the experience can pretty much be summed up by those 4 words. I didn't expect much from Newton Falls, but neither did I expect what I saw. The area is unbelievably depressed. Abandoned factories, store fronts and houses are everywhere, and what houses aren't abandoned are unbelievably dilapidated. It was truly depressing, to see a place I lived for 4 years, and where Edie grew up, deteriorate so much. But I was even disappointed in Pittsburgh as well. I had heard so much about how Pittsburgh had changed, and while there where a lot of improvements, especially in the downtown area, most of the city was either unchanged or depressed as well. The streets are narrower than I remember, the houses smaller, the streets in worse condition than in LA, and riding a bike in this city can definitely be hazardous to your health. Plus all my favorite breakfast and deli haunts were replaced by Starbucks and Brueggers. Even the f...

It went into the 90K service for the Lexus, which included a new timing belt, water pump, major tune up (new wires, and platinum spark plugs) and a host of other things, for a grand total of $1,700. I was expecting around a grand, but when my mechanic came in at over $1,900 initially, I was floored, to say the least. I wasn't sure what to do. The car is 17 years old. Was it really worth it? So I called the local Lexus dealer, and after discovering their cost was over $2,100, and after an additional discussion with my mechanic, who sympathetically agreed to do it all for $1,700, I decided it was worth it. Yeah, the car is 17 years old, but it's still a classy car, and has performed admirably all those years, not to mention it still has a suggested retail value of over $8,000 today. Oh well, like I always say, "such is life". I really don't need a new bike. The two I currently have are both only about 3 years old, and are still in good shape. I'm more bored than...

I've heard it said, things happen in 3's. I sure hope that's the case, and it doesn't turn into 4's or ........... Ever since returning from Vegas things have just not been going as I would hope. First it was the abnormally low platelet count, which fortunately seems to have resolved itself [for now], and then our cat Chloe decides to disappear, and despite repeated searches of the neighborhood has not turned up yet. I just hope if someone finds her they will call (Morris misses her), or at the very least give her a good home. Even worse, this morning I crashed on my bike. It wasn't a bad crash (we weren't going that fast), and fortunately it wasn't my fault (they're always worse when you're to blame). The person in front of me fell, and I ran over their wheel, scraping up my shin and knee, and screwing up the rear wheel. I didn't even tear any of my riding clothes, but now that I'm home, my knee has started stiffening up some, I'm st...

Last night I discovered I pissed off a friend with one of my recent posts. I won't mention which post, but if you frequent this blog, it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out. Be it known, that certainly wasn't my intention. It's just sometimes I'm compelled to express my feelings of frustration. It's a big reason I continue with this blog. Let's face it, I'm a pretty liberal guy, and when confronted with something that goes against my core beliefs, I vent. I could scream and yell (which I do on occasion), but this blog seems to be a more appropriate venue to do that, not only because it's less confrontational, but I can usually get some support from at least a few people here. But if it's any consolation to my friend (who incidentally I don't hold any animosity against because he doesn't believe how I do) this morning was not a good one. It started off by getting up late. So I was already in a rush when I decided to grease my left bic...

That sure doesn't sound like such a long time, does it? Heck, the typical home mortgage is 180 to 360 months. Even some car loans are in the range of 84 to 120 months. But when you're talking about cancer survival it's an entirely different story. It is a long time. And I should know, because that's how long it's been since that fateful blood test that led to my diagnosis of mantle cell lymphoma (MCL). That's 100 months of living with a terminal illness, 100 months of blood tests (121 total) watching my numbers gradually degrade, and 100 months of stress, waiting for the next shoe to drop. But when I read the results of trials, which consider remissions of 6, 12 or 24 month as being good results, along with the numerous problems and complications experienced by others, I can't help but also think of 100 months as being a milestone. Especially considering I haven't had any treatment, and still feel like I'm in pretty damn good shape. I even rode my b...