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Fate is the hunter

I'm tired! I'm really tired. And these past 8 days of essentially non stop rain certainly didn't help any. Even today, when I thought I would be able to get out on a real bike once again, I looked out side, and discovered the roads are still soaking wet. So here I am stuck in the house once again.

But mostly I'm tired of dealing with my MCL. I'm tired of the endless blood tests, and visits to the oncologist. I'm tired of people asking me how I feel, and then lying to them. I'm tired of putting on a happy face, and going about my life as if nothing is wrong.

You'd think (at least I would) after [nearly] 9 years, my body would have figured out there's something wrong, and do something about it. You'd think after [nearly] 9 years my body would have built up some defenses to my MCL, and maybe even mount an offense for a change.

But why would I think that? Heck, the best minds in the US can't seem to come together and figure out how to get completely out of Afghanistan and Iraq, nor eliminate the scourge tearing the fabric of this country [US] apart, so what makes me think my body is any more capable of doing such a thing?

Of course, maybe my body has figured it out. Maybe a high lymphocyte count, hemoglobin in the anemic range, and an enlarged spleen is just the new norm [for me], and I'm actually cured. After all my lymphocyte count has actually been on a downward trend for the past 4 years. Of course so has my hemoglobin and platelet counts, so........

Or is it more likely my body is just fighting the valiant fight, like King Leonidas at the Battle of Thermopylae, or the Jews at Masada, and in the end will eventually succumb to the never ending onslaught, and no amount of bike riding or green tea will be able to prevent the inevitable.

I don't know, that's for sure, and I doubt anyone knows.

So I can rant, I can ride my bike and drink green tea to my hearts content, I might even pray some, but in the end, it won't do any good. And I'm not about to seek help from a psychiatrist, or take any medication, because the one thing I have come to believe with some certainty is you can't hide from reality. Our destiny's are sealed. Some might call it luck, but I call it fate, and Fate is the Hunter.

The only thing I would truly hope for, is after all this time, I'd at least be able to deal with it better.

[note]Notice how I was skillfully able to incorporate a political rant into a post on living and dealing with mantle cell lymphoma.[/note]
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Gerry said…
Cheer up, the Holidays are upon us! Plus the rain has stopped.........
11:12 AM
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