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No matter how hard I try

No matter how much I may want it, I can't will the pain in my chest away. But the thought of the pain continuing on, regardless of the length of time, and the continuing need to take Oxycodon has been weighing on me ever since I left the hospital, so I keep trying.

I keep trying to extend the time between doses of Oxycodon. If I don't, how will I know if I'm making progress? The other day, I managed to go 13 hours between doses. I even thought I was making progress. After each passing hour, from the previous dose, I kept telling myself the discomfort [pain] wasn't that bad, but I was only fooling myself.

It wasn't until after the 13th hour, when I finally relented, and took an Oxycodon, that I realized just how much pain I was truly in. The relief the Oxycodon provided was unmistakeable. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my chest. Why did it take me so long to realize that?

Ever since my diagnosis, I have been resistant to the taking of medications for various reasons, some legitimate, some maybe not so much, but in this case I don't think there can be a legitimate reason. After all, I'm not Mister Spock of the Starship Enterprise, who was able to relieve his pain through mind control. I'm only human.

So anywaze, I'm back to every 8 hours or so of Oxycodon, trying to stretch it to 9, but wondering if I should go back to 7 hours. Or maybe I should just drink more wine? There is no mistaking the relief enjoyed when combining Oxycodon with a good Pinot Noir, or even a Syrah!
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