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Longing for the good old days

I seem to be going through another one of my funks about now. Something I find myself doing a lot more of lately. I just shouldn't be though. I should be happy. At least that's what I told myself 10 years ago, when I was diagnosed with MCL.

I told myself, if I could get 10 good years I would be a happy camper. Well, I got those 10 good years, but that hasn't made me happy. I want another 10 years. I'm just not sure I can get them, and even if I do, I'm not sure that will make me happy either.

You see, 10 years is a long time. It doesn't seem that long when I look back, but it is. Sure I've managed to hold my MCL at bay for most of that time, but along the way something happened I hadn't planned on.

I got older, and my MCL is no longer my only concern.

Most recently it was the Basal Cell Carcinoma that was removed from my forehead, and the Bibasilar Atelectasis, and coronary calcifications, that showed up on a recent CT scan, both of which can at least in part be attributed to the aging process, but I've also noticed it in my energy levels. Something I've been recognizing as the years have gone by, but tried to ignore [and hide] as best I could.

Sure fatigue is one of the symptoms of lymphoma (mostly attributed to a low hemoglobin), but it's also part of growing old. The mind still works, but the body just doesn't respond like it once did.

So what does the next 10 years hold in store for me? I'm not so sure I want to know.

Oh how I long for the days when my MCL was my only concern.

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