And so I lied

Yesterday, I went to see my primary care physician at the VA hospital. But before getting in to see her, I had to see the nurse to take my vitals, and ask me a few questions. The first questions were related to whether I had PTSD. Since I've never seen combat that was an easy one to answer.  No!

But then came questions concerning depression, e.g. in the past 2 weeks have I felt depressed, down, not feeling like doing anything?

I snickered at first, not sure how to answer, but then I thought,

Yeah I'm depressed, down, and sometimes don't feel like doing anything. Why would you even think that wasn't the case? I've got a terminal illness, which I monitor on a monthly basis, waiting for the moment when something changes drastically, for the worse, and I have to start treatment. I may hide it well sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like that most a lot of the time.

Then there's the fact the company I've worked at for the past 20+ years (and definitely in the top 10 of best companies to work for), was just purchased by a MUCH bigger company, and there are already changes taking place which are going to have a big impact, and not necessarily for the better.

And those are just the little things. There's so much more to be depressed about.

This isn't the country I remember growing up in. Yeah, maybe with the internet and everything else, we have become more attuned to the divisions in this country and in the world, but I believe it goes much deeper than that.

I hate the way this country has become so divided, i.e. right/left, conservative/liberal, republican/democrat, red state/blue state etc. I hate the fact we have spawned so many derisive and hateful people like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh, whose only goals are to promote themselves, and foment divisions and hatred within the country.

I hate the fact that so many people in this country have so little regard for the plight of others, they would sooner cut their own throats then help out someone less fortunate.

I hate the fact our elected representatives have been bought and paid for by big business, and no longer care about what's best for their constituents and for the country, but only what is in their own self interest (and the interests of the businesses that support them), and how they can ensure their reelection.

Oh, and maybe worst of all, I've hardly been getting any riding in on my bike this month, and I still haven't been able to figure out what is causing that damn clicking on my bike.

But after all that deliberation (about 2 seconds worth), instead of answering the questions truthfully, I chose to lie, and I answered no. It wasn't a big lie, but I just wasn't interested in confronting what might be next had I answered truthfully. That might have made me even more depressed.