As I sit here at my computer, staring outside at the overcast skys (a storm is brewing and expected to hit California sometime this afternoon or evening), and trying to motivate myself to go for a bike ride, I wonder, why am I doing this?
Is it because I want everyone to know what I am going thru, hoping more people will feel sorry for me? Is it because I think it will benefit others, who may know someone in a similar situation, to better empathize with them? Or is it just an outlet for my feelings, and a diary of my thoughts?
I choose the latter, simply because it would be selfish of me to think it was the first reason, and arrogant to think that I have the ability to help others. But like I have always said, you never know what you are capable of, or what affect you may have on others unless you try.
I did manage to motivate myself for a 44 mile bike ride this morning after all. I worked a little harder than I had planned, since I did a pretty hard ride on Saturday with Velo Allegro, a local bike club in the Long Beach area. But the only other rider who showed up for the ride was Ron, and he always likes to push it just a little bit. I was able to reign him in slightly though.
We also met up with the local Leukemia/Lymphoma Society Team in Training group (some of whom I coached last year) who was leaving about the same time, and rode with them part way. Of course I felt obligated to help out, and chased down the faster group. Oh well, you know what they say, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I sure hope they're right!
As for my golfing, I can only say that who ever invented that game, must have been a sadist. How can you play great one day, well not exactly great, but decent, and then turn around two days later, and play absolutely awful. I even started out with 3 pars on the first 4 holes on Friday, but ended up with a 101 and at least 4 balls lost or in the water. Maybe the best thing to do, would be to quit my job, or at least cut back more on work, and concentrate on golf. Or maybe I should cut back on golf?
I think cutting back on work is a better idea. Now I just have to convince my wife that she has to keep working, while I play. That shouldn't be too tough, right?
The best news so far is that I have been successful in staying on my diet, and have managed to lose about 5 pounds over the past week. I think about half of that is water, but still it feels it is progress. I'm motivated myself by limiting the amount of time I plan on restricting my intake of food till the end of March. By then I should be at my desired weight (145 lbs - approximately 13 more to go), which I should be able to maintain with a regular exercise schedule. Now that the weather is getting warmer (knock on wood) that shouldn't be too difficult.
Not much else to report. No other changes or significant occurrances to bore you all with. I'm sure this was plenty! :)
Is it because I want everyone to know what I am going thru, hoping more people will feel sorry for me? Is it because I think it will benefit others, who may know someone in a similar situation, to better empathize with them? Or is it just an outlet for my feelings, and a diary of my thoughts?
I choose the latter, simply because it would be selfish of me to think it was the first reason, and arrogant to think that I have the ability to help others. But like I have always said, you never know what you are capable of, or what affect you may have on others unless you try.
I did manage to motivate myself for a 44 mile bike ride this morning after all. I worked a little harder than I had planned, since I did a pretty hard ride on Saturday with Velo Allegro, a local bike club in the Long Beach area. But the only other rider who showed up for the ride was Ron, and he always likes to push it just a little bit. I was able to reign him in slightly though.
We also met up with the local Leukemia/Lymphoma Society Team in Training group (some of whom I coached last year) who was leaving about the same time, and rode with them part way. Of course I felt obligated to help out, and chased down the faster group. Oh well, you know what they say, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I sure hope they're right!
As for my golfing, I can only say that who ever invented that game, must have been a sadist. How can you play great one day, well not exactly great, but decent, and then turn around two days later, and play absolutely awful. I even started out with 3 pars on the first 4 holes on Friday, but ended up with a 101 and at least 4 balls lost or in the water. Maybe the best thing to do, would be to quit my job, or at least cut back more on work, and concentrate on golf. Or maybe I should cut back on golf?
I think cutting back on work is a better idea. Now I just have to convince my wife that she has to keep working, while I play. That shouldn't be too tough, right?
The best news so far is that I have been successful in staying on my diet, and have managed to lose about 5 pounds over the past week. I think about half of that is water, but still it feels it is progress. I'm motivated myself by limiting the amount of time I plan on restricting my intake of food till the end of March. By then I should be at my desired weight (145 lbs - approximately 13 more to go), which I should be able to maintain with a regular exercise schedule. Now that the weather is getting warmer (knock on wood) that shouldn't be too difficult.
Not much else to report. No other changes or significant occurrances to bore you all with. I'm sure this was plenty! :)
Comments
I think we do this for all the reasons you mentioned, other than getting people to feel sorry for us. I don't think that is it at all. In fact, it bothers me when I can tell people are feeling sorry for me. There are many people that may deserve that, but I certainly am not one of them. I read your blog regularly, along with several others. I think it is always good to see how others are handling things when they are in similar situations. I have received encouragement when I am down and perhaps, hopefully, have been able to be an encourager to others. I have commented before that my writing is almost a private therapy for me. It is useful to make my random thoughts more concrete and that way I can evaluate better where I am currently and where I want to be, phyically, emotionally, and spirtitually. I really like to see how other people are coping and getting on with their normal daily lives. You have served as encouragement for me, and for that I am grateful.
I agree with John's comments. I originally started my blog to let my friends and family know how I was doing while I was undergoing a clinical trial in San Diego. But what happened was it turned out to be quite cathartic. By putting down my thoughts and often frustrations in writing, my mind was freed of these thoughts. I also believe that even though you may not realize it you are indeed helping others. Just like all the digests and other blogs, it does help to know that others in similar situations have the same thoughts and feelings… it is reassuring to know you are not alone. Even though we have the support of family and friends, only those in similar situations understand truly what it is like to live with these diseases. In the same sense, I believe we do want people to know what we are going thru but not because we want them to feel sorry for us but again because we want to clear our brain of those thoughts. So you are not selfish or arrogant if you choose all of those reasons... there is some truth in all of them.
BTW I was amazed by how many CLLers were helped by my information about my treatment. Don’t sell yourself short…. You will be too.
Marianne
Oh, and thanks for the feedback. I do appreciate it, especially since I spent the last two days writing this weeks post.