LIVING WITH MCL

Are there really things that we have no control over in our lives? Is our destiny preordained, and no matter what any of us do, the outcome will be the same? I've always been a believer in that, in fate. I've always believed our lives are preordained, and everything happens for a reason. It's just after everything that has happened over these past few months [and years] I'm beginning to wonder. What possible reason could there be for me to have contracted MCL, and lived with it untreated for the past 12+ years?  Is there a greater purpose I am [was] to pursue, that I missed. It certainly can't be writing this blog, although I would like to think I've help at least one person. And what about Edie? What possible reason could there be for her to have died, and left me alone? To make me appreciate her more, and the many things she did, some of which I may have taken for granted. The thing is, she didn't have to die for me to come to that realization. S

It's been about a month now, and the only thing I know for sure, it isn't getting any easier. At first I thought it was the mornings that were the worst. Then it was the evenings, but it turns out, it doesn't matter what time of day it is, it's realizing Edie isn't around anymore that's so hard. I'm just having a difficult time coming to grips with that fact. We were together nearly 40 years, and then suddenly she's gone. How can someone be here one minute, and then be gone the next? Even knowing it was coming for awhile, I still wasn't prepared. It's just all way too final, and I'm not coping well. I haven't been eating well. I've been losing weight I can't afford to lose, and on top of that, two weeks ago, I got a case of the shingles (or so they say), which has taken a particular toll on me physically, including the loss of more weight. I'm even beginning to understand how some individuals can so easily become v